[dean : : : digital domain]

It's been a while since I went for a dinner with a number of unknown faces. Today I had such an opportunity.

Husni was celebrating his birthday with a dinner at Big O in Wheelock Place. Amongst those invited and made it to the dinner were Carol, Bryan, Zonghao, Ronghui, myself and 5 other gals. The 5 other gals were friends of Husni and Michelle. Seems to me that the setting is like a chance for singles to widen their social circle, with Husni and Michelle playing match-maker. Haha.. However no such 'match-making' took place. All of us were just out to enjoy the celebration and each other's company.

Too bad I couldn't stay for long.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 25th Feb 2005, 1056hrs > Back to the top

Wohoo! Today I got to do more of the things that I want to do.

Especially... CLIMBING! Hahahaha... It's been quite a while since I went climbing. Now my fingers are aching from hanging on the walls for too long, but it's well worth it. Whilst climbing tires the body, it rejuvenates the mind. You won't know what I'm talking about till you give it a go though. So what are you waiting for?

Prior to climbing today, I had the chance to go to school and study again. The exams are coming up real fast, and I have set my goals rather high for the papers that I am taking. But planning is just the beginning. Action is still needed to make things happen. And in good time, much action (see studying) will be expected. These days, the one question that students often ask each other is 'Have you started studying?'.

It strikes me as odd that students like to ask each other this question. For some, it's a way to encourage themselves to embark on their own studying. For others, it's a way to tell themselves that they're not alone. For all, it's just another way where we compare ourselves to others to see where we stand in the sea of society. Ahh... the effects of meritocracy: Always comparing.

Even during the month of love and romance there are plenty of comparing, more so amongst women. They will compare the size and amount of flowers they've received, the gifts they got, the location of their Valentine's Day dinner and the ways their partners romance them. For guys it's much simpler. They'll compare if they 'got some action' on Valentine's Day, or rather, Valentine's Night. Such frivolous actions are the results of the need to show off. And this need to show off is inherent in a meritocratic system.

Anyone wants out of the system?

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 25th Feb 2005, 1008hrs > Back to the top

Finally, I was able to set aside time to devote to my studies.

Due to extensive work commitments I was unable to do so. I was also unable to do a lot of other things, such as keeping this domain up to date, going for friends' birthday parties (my apologies to Yu Xuan & Xiuling!) and enjoying life. It seems to me that working life is a whole lot of less fun than school life. As such I understand better what many friends often told me: they wished that they were back in school.

School life opens up opportunities for a lot of activities, such as knowing more friends, hanging out and enjoying their company, engaging in fun activities such as camps, sports or so on, and many, many more. In addition, students have lesser obligations and responsibilities than working adults. Their perspective of life is also more relaxed and bright. In a nutshell, working life sucks big time.

I'm glad I'm still studying. Got to make most of the time I have left.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 24th Feb 2005, 1739hrs > Back to the top

A rest. I finally got a rest today.

The past few days I had been working extensively. My day would start as early as 6.30am and end as late as 10pm. This has led to a lack of proper rest and a very stony mind.

Fortunately there was a break today. A break from work. Spent it on as much sleep as I can afford.

After all, I'm only human.

With regards to 'taking a break', today I shall approach the topic of 'breaks' in relationships. Not 'break ups'. 'Breaks' or 'time out' or 'time off' from each other.

On occasions, couples are known to take breaks from each other. These 'time outs' usually occur at a pivotal point of a relationship, mainly after unfortunate events such as the discovery of a partner's infidelity. The purpose of the period, when partners take a break from each other, is to give each other some 'breathing space' so that they can think things through and access the value of the relationship. Depending on how strong the relationship was at the beginning, the results vary. Partners may get back together or end up breaking up from then on. But then again, if the foundation had been strong, there won't be a need for a partner to fool around, right?

Another case for 'time out' sessions to take place is due to very heated arguments between partners. During such arguments it's common for harsh words to be exchanged. This can lead to partners getting hurt emotionally. So 'taking a break' serves the purpose of healing wounds and possibility of forging closer bonds. After all, that which does not kill us only makes us stronger.

Even friends take a break from each other. The reasons for it are plenty. Some reasons good. Others are, well, foolish.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 23nd Feb 2005, 2208hrs > Back to the top

Finally, I met up with Carol. I hadn't seen her since last year. She has been busy with work to the point of being unable to attend the regular outings with Ronghui, Zonghao and the rest of the climbers.

Today Ronghui, Zonghao, Ben, Suzanna, Carol and I met up for supper/dinner at AMK Central S11. I hadn't seen all of them for quite some time, so it felt good to be basking in their company. I tried to catch up as much as I could, amidst the joking and crapping.

After all, it will be quite some time till we can gather up together again.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 22nd Feb 2005, 2359hrs > Back to the top

Whilst working in Yishun SAFRA today...

Dean : Hello! No special plans today?

Customer A (Guy) : Nope. Just us and the wall.

Customer B (Gal) : How about yourself? Why aren't you out celebrating?

Dean : Oh, my Valentine's Day is the remaining 364 days.

Customer A : Wow... good one.

Customer B : Yeah, she is a lucky gal.

The flaw in this is that there is no lucky gal. After all, I am single.

Finally it's here. THE celebrated day of love.

Karen (my colleague) shared with me her opinion on Valentine's Day which I find to be quite interesting. She said that today is meant for singles than it is for couples. Singles find today special enough to motivate them to capture their partner's attention. For most couples, today is not as special as their anniversary, or other special moments. With the exception to 'new' couples of course. They share the same level of celebration as with the singles.

Also, according to Karen, Valentine's Day has become more of a marketing hype and a cause for inflation. I have to agree with her on that. Florists become wealthy almost overnight as they push up the price of flowers. Entrepreneurs come out in full force, selling (at above market-rate prices) flowers, soft toys, balloons and other items that commemorate the occasion. Imagine buying a small heart-shaped balloon at $10! That's what some listeners shared with Class 95 DJ The Flying Dutchman. I'm sure even retailers, especially those selling jewelries and perfumes, experience increase in sales up to today. Many are capitalizing on the day itself. Personally, I'm happy to see the enterprising spirit. Who says Singaporeans can't be entrepreneurs?

I spent my Valentine's Day working. If you're celebrating this day, hope it was memorable.

Oh yes... Happy Birthday Huihui!!!

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 22nd Feb 2005, 2352hrs > Back to the top

"It is in the face of death do we learn to appreciate life.."

I don't know where I heard this from, but it was in my head lately. Don't be alarmed: It's not that I am facing death. But I am facing loneliness.

It is in loneliness do we learn to value the company of others.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 17th Feb 2005, 2043hrs > Back to the top

In my Shout Box Radiah mentioned that "things may come to those who wait but only things left by those who hustle..."

Phrases or quotes that go along with the underlying idea are 'To the victor goes the spoils', 'Early bird catches the worms' and many more.

The idea (if you're thinking trying to figure out) is that you'll get more rewards by taking actions than in waiting. And love is something that is partly waiting, but more of taking actions.

I've heard of guys and gals saying how they like a person but do so from afar. Most of the time they're waiting for the right time to come before they make their move. However, more often than not, they don't do much or even anything for that right time to come. They wait as minutes, hours, days, weeks and months go by. During those time, they either get to know their 'target' (see object of desire) better through friends, or by being friends with their 'target', or both. Their adoration grew but is neglected or at times not felt. Even when felt, it is not reflected or affirmed. Still, they choose to wait for that 'right time'

But the right time didn't happen. Simply because they didn't make it happen. They didn't take that chance to tell how they truly feel, or show more of their feelings. They feigned disinterest, pretended not to care or don't put in much effort. They tell their friends of their true feelings for their 'target' yet not tell the 'target' themselves.

Thus they go through unrequited love, one-sided love and loss of love. Of course, there are those lucky ones who experienced such 'right timing'. They got blessed with the love they seek. Hey, miracles do happen you know. =P

Such inhibitions are, perhaps, natural in our conservative culture. Yet many of us are growing in an environment that is not fully conservative. Still, the inhibitions prevail and stop many from taking actions and letting the right time happen.

So, chances slip on by.

What can one do about it then?

Solutions are easier said than done. Still, practice makes perfect. If you practice the solutions in your head, or maybe practice with the help of a friend, your chances at carrying them out with confidence are better till you won't miserable should you fail. Cheer up, if you do fail, at least you'll learn something. Ok, on to the solutions.

The solution is clear: you have to make things happen. You must first know yourself better and more importantly know the other person better. Be very sure that your feelings are not something that is whimsical or for the moment. Those are infatuations. It takes some time to know a person well enough to develop genuine feelings for that person. Yes, there is love at first sight, but love is blind too, so you have to know the person and let love grow from within. More often it's lust at first sight, by the way.

In knowing that person better, it starts off with being friends. Develop that comfort zone between each other so that you can share more about each other. Open yourself up to your target so that he or she can know you better. Don't hope for the sparks to fly so sudden, that can lead to some disappointment. Instead, be genuine in knowing that person first. This will establish a foundation where you can check on your feelings to see if they have grown stronger or have passed by. From there you can know if you are truly interested in that person or if it's just an infatuation.

Having established your feelings you can then make your move to make the right time happens. Drop hints to let them know of your interests and inner feelings for them. Focus your attention on them but not to the extend that you neglect being you and be someone you're not. Eventually they will sense your interest. Once you know that, well, the right time comes for you to share with them your feelings and your love. Don't raise any expectations. Let your 'target' have the freedom to check on their feelings for you. If they're not in the same level as you are, don't jump off the building. True, some hurt is expected. But the greatest consolation is that you got some answers and are not living in the dark. It's better to have tried and fail than to have not tried at all.

I've heard of cases where people (ok, actually it's usually applies to guys) who after the first meeting or first few meetings who proclaim they have developed feelings for the other person, or feel a connection that's 'hard to describe', or feel closer to the person by virtue of sudden regular contacts. It's natural to feel closer and wanting to be close to their 'targets' (see object of lust), but such sudden feelings are, well, more often baseless. Yet people still claim that they have found 'the one' that will make their life complete. Sweet words flowed freely, describing in creative ways how their 'targets' are the ones they have been waiting or searching for all this while. All I can say is, get real. Rome wasn't built in a day, so true love doesn't just come in a the space of a few days. Granted, you can know more about a person within a few days of regular contacts. But you won't know that person well. Hence, have your feelings checked. Jumping in too fast can get your hurt fast and hard.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 16th Feb 2005, 0204hrs > Back to the top

To my Chinese friends and their families > Xin Nian Kuai Le, Gong Xi Fa Cai! Wishing you great health and prosperity and a Happy Lunar New Year! Since the year of Monkey is over and the year of Rooster is here, well, all I can say is... Time to stop the monkey business, it's time to talk cock. =P

My parents and 3 of my youngest siblings travelled up to Malaysia for a short holiday, leaving me behind with 3 other siblings. I woke up pretty late since it's the holiday, and found myself at a loss of things to do. Eventually settled for cleaning up my room (a bit) and doing my laundry (a lot).

I had missed breakfast and lunch and it seemed dinner was impossible as the food centres around my block were closed. Since Zonghao was free we met up for dinner and some catching up as well. I was famished by the time we got to Ang Mo Kio Central S-11 and wasted little time to order food.

Thereafter we moved to Mos Burger to chill. Sitting opposite us was this very pretty lady. She was with a friend, and both seemed to be enjoying the attention being paid by us and other patrons as well. It was more of 'beoing' from afar.

As I turned, I was surprised to see a 'celebrity' at the table beside us. You won't believe me, but on the table next to us was the notorious Steven Lim. If you're not familiar to the name, you must be either 1) a foreigner (possibly a terrorist), 2) an alien (from outer space or after illegally coming into Singapore), 3) a hardworking person who hardly watch tv or don't read the newspaper (see no life) or 4) anything that I missed out.

This is the guy who stripped to his undies on TV in Singapore Idol and once again in a variety show on channel 8. He disgust many of us, that much I have to agree. Yet he is also an accomplished entertainer, that I have to give to him. Like him or hate him, he's name is something that you will remember.

Which makes me wonder... what can I do to be well-known and remembered...

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 15th Feb 2005, 2004hrs > Back to the top

Woke up pretty early today to head down to town. It's time for Constantine! Singapore (and some other countries I guess) has the priviledge of watching Constantine before it was screened in the U.S. How lucky of us. =P

Watched the movie at GV Grand at Great World City today, with a whole bunch of people. Radiah, Azza, Tuty, Tuty's friend (I didn't get to know her name), Faizal 1, Faizal 2, Azhar, Hafeez, Zul (Hafeez's friend), Farhan and lastly Yong Seng. Most of us are in the same course in SIM. Since it was the eve of Lunar New Year, a few of us were wearing red or shades of red. We took a pic of that.

The Gang In Red

As you can see, the background was red itself, so we sort of blended in with the background. Not bad, kind of urban camouflaging.

'Constantine' Review: Keanu Reeves plays John Constantine, a man blessed (or perhaps cursed) with the ability to see the half-breed angels and demons that walk the earth in human skin and know of the war waged between Devil and God. He tries to salvage his soul, knowing well enough that with all that he has done had damned him to Hell. Rachel Weisz plays Angela Dodson, an police detective whose twin sister got killed under very peculiar circumstances. She then enlist the help of Constantine to solve her sister's murder. My first impression of the whole show is Matrix + Charmed + Exorcist + Hellboy. The special effects was good. You'll get to see Heaven & Hell in a different and surreal view. The storyline developed at a good pace, thus you don't get any boring moments where you might doze off. The twist to the plot makes the story more interesting. The short jokes that are shown between scenes are plenty to keep you entertained. The character development is set at a good pace too. What I enjoyed most about this show is the cool 'good guy/bad guy' attitude portrayed by Keanu's character and the modern view of Heaven & Hell. Good show, catch it if you can. By the way, after the credit rolls there's some short clip. So stay tuned. I found out about this only after watching the show and reading the newspaper, so I missed it. Damn!

After the show we headed to Magic Wok at Far East Plaza for our own version of 'reunion dinner'. The food there was quite good.

'Reunion Dinner'

After dinner, some of the people left. The remainder went to chill at McCafe. After chilling and crapping, Radiah, Azhar, Hafeez, Zul, Faizal 1 and me headed to play pool. We played 3-on-3 with Radiah, Hafeez and me in 1 team against Azhar, Zul and Faizal in the other team. It was quite fun. Our team was trailing at first but eventually we caught up and won 4 games to 2.

Thereafter Radiah and the rest headed to catch the fireworks whilst I headed home to rest. It had been a long and tiring day for me. But I won't mind reliving the fun we had today.

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 15th Feb 2005, 0310hrs > Back to the top

Today I went for my first housewarming gathering. It's the first time I been to one in a long time. I think it's the 2nd time in my lifetime. The first was a colleague from the Police Force.

Anyway today's housewarming party/gathering was at Sian Li's place in.. hmm.. some hill near Buona Vista. Haha.. I didn't get the proper address. Got led there by Azhar. Azhar, Azza, Radiah, Tuty and Faizal had met up at Buona Vista MRT first before proceeding to the Sian Li's house. The most interesting part was that they forgot I was coming!!! They almost left for Sian Li's place without me....

As we trekked over to Sian Li's house, we passed by a few colonial houses. These houses are situated on a hill near Buona Vista MRT. Some of the houses were vacant and looked pretty eerie from the outside. Azhar and I venture closely to one of the vacant houses. We had planned to visit it after the gathering but somehow that plan got abandoned.

Once we reached Sian Li's place it was time for some fun! Haha.. started off with tackling an Oreo Cheesecake made by Tuty. All that walking had made us hungry. But cake was not enough.

Radiah cutting the cheesecake while Tuty guides her...

So we ordered... Pizza! From this pizzaria called.. hmm.. I can't remember actually. But it was a new one, and it had this 'Monday Special' where we can get free side dishes and all.

Whilst waiting for pizza to arrived, we explored Sian Li's house. I was fascinated by her collection of Archie Comics. She had 2 whole rows of it on her shelves! Woah!! She also shared with us the history of her place. Like how much it has changed and how her parents got it and all. Pretty nice place I must say. Cosy too.

Finally, after much awaiting, lunch arrived. Everyone was ready to grab a bite of the good food.

The good food (Lunch!)

While eating, we were joined by Peifen, Yong Seng and Zul (see latecomers). That's when the gathering got into full swing with lots of chatting, joking and photo-taking going around.

The Lovely Ladies (L to R) Radiah, Azza, Sian Li, Tuty, Peifen

The Cool Dudes (Clockwise) Yong Seng, Faizal, Azhar, Me

The Latecomers (Guys) Yong Seng, Zul

A good rest after a good lunch

Time came for me to leave everyone as I had to work in Yishun SAFRA. The gathering had been really enjoyable.

Thanks to Zul for the lift to Pasir Panjang!

Thanks to Sian Li for the housewarming gathering too!

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 15th Feb 2005, 0232hrs > Back to the top

The weekends are finally over. It had been quite an eventful weekend.

Saturday night, I was out with friends from Entes. Diana, Gail, Amy, Gabriel, Desmond, Larry & Kervin had met up for a 'reunion dinner' though Amy and myself missed the dinner. All of us then chilled at this place in Esplanade which I kind of forgotten the name of the place. It's been a while since we all had such a chilling session, so to be there was truly enjoyable. I suppose it's such outings that helps to build stronger bonds.

Sunday started with soccer! Woke up early in the morning to play soccer with Rizal and a whole bunch of other ex-SRJCians. This was to be my first soccer match in a field. I played the role of goalkeeper. Personally I always feel stressed up when playing that role. The responsibilities of a team's success hinges on the goalkeeper. My lack of playing experience showed today. The team I was playing for lost. I felt so bad about it that I just kept quiet after the game. I think I would have fared better playing the role of defender or midfielder. Oh well, another day, another game.

After that, got home. Was relaxing and running through the Sunday Times when an article caught my attention. The article is on page 10 of Lifestyle section. It's under a fortnightly column where readers got their questions on sex and relationships answered by a professional. The article was by a female reader, and she wrote," I did the most unthinkable the other night while having sex with my husband. At the critical moment, I shouted an ex-boyfriend's name. Now my husband is moping. What can I do?".

Man! What a blow to the poor guy's ego and pride! I really pity the guy. Imagine to have such a thing happening. Sheesh...

Thereafter I joined Ronghui, Weite and (forgot his name, Ronghui's friend) to shop around Orchard. They were shopping around for Chinese New Year's clothes. I was just looking around the shops. Those two are not the same thing, mind you. By the time we separated my legs were close to giving way. To make matters worse, I had to stand all the way home in the train. Talk about rotten luck.

A new week approaches.

Yet my mind is reeling in confusion over a lot of matters. Details? All in good time I suppose.

Meanwhile, here's my contribution for this month of love:

Picture this situation. You (guy) and a friend (gal) started out as friends. Time goes by, you got to know each other slightly better, and enjoy each other's company. So the friendship blossom and grow. You had plenty of good times, were there to help each other through the bad times and generally become close friends. All along both of you thought there is this invisible line drawn between both of you that keeps you both as friend. However, something happen, and somehow the line gets all blurry. Feelings developed. In most cases though, the feelings were pretty much one sided. So you come to a fork on the road. Do you tell your friend of your feelings, or suffer in silence? To reveal your feelings, you run the risk of losing a friendship, especially if your friend is unprepared for it. To suffer in silence, you run the risk of living a life of misery and regret. What do you do?

Well, I'm sure many of us have gone through such a situation. It's a pretty common situation in fact. This situation supports the urban myth that guys and gals cannot have a platonic relationship, thanks to it's commonness. Of course, being a common situation, there is a common.. well... solution.

The solution is, as Geoffrey shared with me, first starts with a simple question: do you see her more as a friend or as a lover? However, with feelings overwhelming you, it can be tough to answer that question. Then comes the rational step. Tell her how you feel. In doing so, you get her involved in this test of friendship. How it goes from then on depends on both of you. At least now there is two heads thinking of a solution than one. And for you, at least you don't have to be kept in a one-sided love and live a life of regret. Take that chance. After all, life is too precious to be wasted away in regret and misery. ;)

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 7th Feb 2005, 0316hrs > Back to the top

Lately I've been on studying streak. Spent my time in school catching up on my studies. This has been ongoing for a few days now. It's quite invigorating to the mind, to say the least. It makes my mind feels alive! It also makes me feel less stupid. Haha...

However, I do have to point out that I am not preparing for my mock exams. I am studying in preparation for the actual exams, which are coming up in the month of May. The mock exams are, well, of no value to me. You can read up about it here.

January is gone, now February is here. Globally it's perceived that February is the month of love. After all, Valentine's day falls on the 14th of this month. During this loving period, inflation run rampant at flower shops world-wide. All of a sudden, roses and tulips become hot commodity. Florists take orders as early as January to avoid disappointment. Besides flowers, guys and gals (though mostly guys) will buy all sorts of gifts to go all out to impress their partners.

Gifts are just the first step. There's also the romantic meal to think of (like dinner or lunch or both), the romantic setting to find and much more. No effort is spared, no amount is too much (well, almost). Creativity juices flow free through the minds of love-struck couples, as they try to think of innovative ways to be romantic.

Even singles are involved in the 'celebration'. Secret admirers pick this day to send messages of love to the ones they've been 'admiring from afar'. Some will pick this day to reveal themselves. Then there are those who will pick this day to reveal their feelings to whoever that is special to them.

It strikes me as odd though. Does romance have come once a year? Plus, why do singles have to wait till this day to summon up the guts to tell the special someone how they feel? Where have their guts been all along?

Anyway, Valentine's Day coming up soon. What's your plans like?

- signed, sealed and delivered by deAn on 4th Feb 2005, 0243hrs > Back to the top